Thursday, September 04, 2008

Movie Conspiracies That I Have Found
This silly motherfucker of "Weekend at Bernie's" and "Weekend at Bernie's II" fame supposedly played the role of Jay Norman in "Death Becomes Her" however for the life of me neither I nor anyone I know can recall him or the character in the actual film. Billed between Psychiatric Patient # 4 and Woman At Book Party it seems strange that his character would be given a name, let alone first AND last. Something's going on here- you might have fooled the residents of Hampton Island, asshole, but you don't fool me.

-Frances O' Connor is Jessica Harper-
I first noticed this uncanny resemblance when I watched Woody Allen's brilliant "Stardust Memories" just a few days after watching Harold Ramis' ridculous remake "Bedazzled". Excuse me ladies, or should I say lady, but who do you think you are fooling? This is strangely similar to 1967 "The Twilight Zone" episode where the actress stays young forever and the newspaper reporter discovers it. Wait, wait... 1967? That's the exact year Frances O' Connor was "born". Whoa, whoa this is getting too real. I don't remember what happens to the newspaper reporter but seeing as he was probably in his mid-forties when that episode aired I'd bet dollars to donuts that the actor's dead! He found out and Jessica O' Connor or Frances Harper or whatever her name is, killed him. I'm outta here...

Friday, October 06, 2006

Werner Herzog: The Coolest Man of All Time

Some time ago I saw a film entitled "Incident at Loch Ness", the film itself was not very good, however in it I was introduced to the coolest man of all time; Werner Herzog. I will now give a list of a few reasons why he holds this coveted title...

1. He has the best party guests... In one scene in "Incident" we are inside Herzog's house during a dinner party. Among the guests, most notable are: Crispin Glover(For more on Crispin see my previous post "Creepiest Actors"), Jeff Goldblum and Ricky Jay(For more on Ricky look for my upcoming post entitled "Actors Who You Know Who They Are But You Don't Know Their Name or Remember Exactly
What They Were In". For the sake of this post I will show you his face:
I challenge you to name another person who can get those three people together and it not signal a coming apocalypse.

2. He once held a gun at someone while filming to get a certain reaction out of them... This may simply be a myth but the very fact that it could be true and people would still agree to be in his movies means that he is the greatest. Speaking of guns...

3. He was once shot while being interviewed and he kept the interview going anyway... Interviews are annoying to do, getting shot during one is a perfect excuse to call it off and no one can really give you shit about it. It's a rule- if you're getting interviewed and someone shoots you, that's it; the interview's over. Evidently, however, Herzog told the report that it was "just a flesh wound" and continued the interview at the local emergency room.

4. He once ate a shoe... There's not much to say about this; he made a bet, he lost, and then he ate his shoe. Most people, if they were hardcore enough to make the bet in the first place, would find a way out of actually eating the shoe. Herzog, however, is a man of his word and he totally ate a shoe.

I will post more reasons as I learn them, I should hope that the previous are more than enough though.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Creepiest Actors

The following is a list of actors that creep me out for one reason or another...

-Brad Dourif-

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What is this guy's problem? No matter what he's doing it's a fucking creepshow. There is a rule amongst the MPAA that no film in which Brad Dourif appears may have anything less than a PG-13 rating- Children cannot be exposed to this sort of thing.

-Crispin Glover-
(For more on Crispin look for my upcoming Post entitled "Werner Herzog: The Coolest Man of All Time") Pardon me sir, I see you are surrounded by a group of people with Down's Syndrome, but could you be a little more creepy...No? Wait, yes you could- if you were this guy:

-The "Warriors Comeout and Play-ay" Guy-
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Sir, I once saw you waiting in line to buy popcorn at a movie theater- I have never eaten popcorn again. I don't know what your deal is but I don't like it.

-This German Guy-
Sir, your eyes are dead and lifeless like that of a doll or a shark or Nick Stahl (for more on Nick, see my upcoming post entitled "Actors who People Think are Good but who Actually Suck"). This guy played Joseph Goebbels in "Downfall"- if I had to go out to dinner with this actor or the real Goebbels I would choose whoever I thought had the better chance of paying for my meal.